If you grew up in a home where feelings were swept under the rug or dismissed, teaching your kids emotional intelligence can feel like walking uncharted territory. How do you explain emotions you barely understand yourself? How do you model patience, empathy, or vulnerability when your own emotional toolbox feels empty? This is where parenting meets healing your inner child. Because before you can teach your child to understand their feelings, you have to make peace with your own.

A mother and child sharing a quiet moment, learning about feelings together.


Why Emotional Intelligence Matters Especially When It Was Missing in Your Childhood

Emotional intelligence (or EQ) is more than just knowing your feelings. It’s about recognizing emotions, understanding why they happen, and knowing how to manage them, skills that can transform your relationships and your child’s future. But if you were raised in an environment where emotions were a no-go zone, you might not have learned these skills. Maybe crying was seen as weakness, or anger was ignored, or feelings were simply “not talked about.” It’s common, and it’s not your fault. The good news? Emotional intelligence can be learned at any age and as a parent, you have the power to change the cycle.

Healing Your Inner Child to Teach Your Child

Your inner child is the part of you that still holds those old feelings the hurt, confusion, and maybe fear that came from growing up without emotional support. Healing your inner child means giving yourself permission to feel, to grieve, and to grow in ways you never were allowed. When you nurture that inner child, you create a strong foundation for emotional intelligence. You begin to understand your triggers, your responses, and how to break unhealthy patterns.

Practical Ways to Teach Emotional Intelligence to Your Kids Even If You Feel Lost

  1. Name emotions out loud. Use simple language with your child. “I see you’re feeling sad” or “It’s okay to feel angry.” This helps them put words to feelings they don’t understand yet.

  2. Model your own feelings. Share your emotions honestly but calmly. “I’m feeling frustrated right now, so I’m going to take a deep breath.”

  3. Create safe spaces. Let your kids know it’s okay to express whatever they’re feeling without judgment or punishment.

  4. Practice empathy. Show understanding when your child is upset, even if you don’t fully get why. Sometimes just saying, “That sounds hard,” can work wonders.

  5. Use stories or play. Sometimes kids learn best through stories, books, or role-playing emotions with toys.

  6. Be patient with yourself. This is a new skill for you, too. It’s okay to mess up and keep trying.

The Gift You Give Your Child

By teaching emotional intelligence, you are doing more than helping your child navigate feelings. You’re giving them tools to handle life’s challenges with grace, resilience, and self-awareness. You are also rewriting your own story, a story that might have been about silence or emotional survival and turning it into one about connection, healing, and hope. You don’t have to have all the answers to teach your kids about feelings. Healing your own heart is the first step.