He messaged me first.
Back then, I was just on BearShare for music and maybe a few harmless chats. I was not looking for love. Definitely not from a stranger behind a screen. But he was persistent. Charming in that soft, calculated way. He asked for more. I told him no, not once, not twice, but many times.
I just wanted friendship. Safe connection. Nothing risky.
But over time, something wore me down. Maybe it was loneliness. Maybe it was hope. Maybe I thought, “What’s the worst that could happen?” So I said yes.
And I wish I never did.
That “yes” pulled me into a relationship that slowly took everything from me, my peace, my growth, my confidence. I found myself shrinking. Doubting my voice. Making excuses for treatment I didn’t deserve. The emotional toll wasn’t just deep, it was dangerous. My health suffered. My mind suffered. And the worst part? It reopened wounds from my childhood that I thought I had healed. I felt like I was drowning in a cycle I had fought my whole life to escape.
Saying yes to him cost me years. And yet, I no longer blame myself for trying to believe in love. I blame a world that taught women to doubt their boundaries. That said we were too cold for wanting friendship, too soft for giving second chances, and too broken for leaving once we’ve had enough.
But I’ve learned now. Saying no is not harsh. It is holy. It is a prayer to your future self. A “yes” should never come from pressure, fear, or emotional blackmail disguised as affection.
If you're reading this, and your body is whispering no, listen. Even if your heart is unsure. Your healing is worth protecting.
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