Nobody talks enough about the emotional gymnastics required to raise children while still healing from your own. But if you're doing it you know. You know what it feels like to hold space for a toddler’s meltdown while your inner child silently begs for comfort. You know what it’s like to teach calm, when rage was all you knew growing up. You’re trying to be the safe space for them... while still searching for your own.
This is not about being perfect. It’s about being present. And that is no small task when you're trying to give your children what you never had.You say “I love you” often not because it's a parenting tip, but because no one said it to you. You validate their feelings, even when you're exhausted because your feelings were always dismissed. You apologize when you get it wrong because no adult ever did that for you.
And sometimes... you snap. Not because your child is too much, but because the situation feels too familiar. Your child crying? That sounds like you at five, begging for someone to notice you were hurting. You hear your own frustration and shame echo through generations and you’re the first one who’s trying to stop the cycle.
That’s why it’s hard. Not because you're weak. But because you're the first to do it differently. So if you find yourself crying in the bathroom after bedtime, if you sometimes feel like you're failing both your kids and yourself pause. Breathe. You’re not failing. You’re reparenting and parenting at the same time. That’s double the effort, double the healing, double the love.
You are not just breaking patternsyou are building new ones. You are the one teaching love without fear. You are the one who’s choosing connection over control. And one day, your kids will feel safe in their skin because you did the work to feel safe in yours.
So today, if all you managed was to keep showing up, that is enough.
And that’s what healing actually looks like.
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